When I look back at myself a few years back, I witness a lot has changed. Not alone the life, but me. A lot, that I was drawn to share it and to write this post.
I remember the day I graduated from my college. It was a big day. But something was bigger. I wanted to pursue masters and had already appeared for entrance exams of a few universities. So far I had not been able to clear any of them. One after the other the results were announced and the good news was nowhere close. I felt a sinking feeling inside me almost every minute. I was crestfallen.
In my class 12th board exams I had performed amazingly well which got me admitted to a well renowned college. To this day, I remember it so clearly.
I was sitting teary eyed in front of the computer screen which showed my result while my father on the phone said “I am very proud of you beta, you will do great in future. I know.” I thanked the almighty.
What happened to me now? Where was that girl? God! how I wished to go back to that very moment.
I am proud of you.
How I wished to hear it again.
So, there I was, planning to drop the year and work harder for the next.
Some days later, I got a call from my friend informing me there were some vacant seats in the college she was in and I should come at the earliest. So, the very next day, my father and I traveled to another city. It wasn’t as good as the other universities I applied for and it wasn’t the one I had planned to pursue my masters degree from. But it was the one that I wanted the most right now. For a girl who had lost her confidence, it was a ray of hope.
So we talked to the teachers and showed my records.
“She is a very bright student. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t clear any entrance exam. It shocked me.”, I recall my father saying.
My records were good and after talking with my father, they finally gave me the admission. So, there I was, satisfied. I thanked the almighty.
I moved there some days later, delighted but lacked self confidence. I wasn’t sure anymore if I was good enough. But now, I possessed something else. A zeal, to do better now, to put in double efforts. I wanted to show my parents and myself that I wasn’t unworthy.
I am proud of you.
I so wanted to hear it. I wished to top in my college. As a matter of fact, I hadn’t really topped in my school or college previously. I have mostly been a mediocre. But now, I decided to raise out of the pack of ordinary, something I had been throughout my life.
I worked hard in my first semester and performed good but not how I had determined. I couldn’t reach the bar I set up for myself. I was disappointed! Again!
In the second semester, I focused more and worked harder. It turned out that I had performed better. Well, better than everyone else. Yes, I did it. I was beaming and so my parents were. I thanked the almighty.
But this wasn’t it. There was much more to achieve. By the third semester, apart from my college studies I took out time to study for NET (National Eligibility Test), an entrance exam on clearing which, you are eligible to apply for Lectureship or get enrolled for PhD. It is taken twice a year and I had failed my previous two attempts.
I was stuck with something that I dreaded the most. The entrance exams! Yes I studied, but somewhere I was certain I couldn’t do it. I had never been good at entrances. In the third attempt, surprisingly, I did well. But wasn’t sure if I would be able to clear it. Of course, I prayed to God to make me clear it this time.
Three months later, as the result was announced, I checked the list. There it was, I could see my roll no. under candidates who cleared it. I checked twice and thrice, confirmed the cutoff with my friends before actually believing it.
That computer screen again and I was stupefied. I thanked god “You did it for real? I just wished for it and you gave me. How do I believe this?”
You know, this is the thing with us. When we wish for something so bad, we hope we get it sooner. But when we do get it, its hard to believe. A little child wishes badly to hold a star in his hand, but that ain’t possible. I felt like that child, but the thing is, I got it. So the feeling was immensely wonderful.
In the past few years, I hadn’t given many reasons to my parents to be proud. Contrarily, I had shocked them with sad realities. May be somewhere they were losing hopes from me. So, I was thrilled to inform at home. I called them. My mother was buoyant and so was my father.
“After so long you gave a really good news. I have always been so proud of you beta”, he said.
Those words were like a tinkle to my ears. Something, I have been waiting to hear for so long. I am proud of you.
So here I am, rejected 2 years ago and now appreciated by many.
When you get something easily, you forget to appreciate it. You don’t realize the true essence, the gravity of it. That is why the best things in life are hard earned and that’s the way it should be.
The journey is not over. There’s a long way to go. But it seems like I have crossed one milestone. Some things in life just get shape with the course of time. Coming to this place wasn’t planned. But it proved to be something that carved me up. It showed me something that even I wasn’t able to see in me.
I am not just someone ordinary. You see, I now have my own blog too, something I would have ran from, had you asked me some years back. And if I have it, I believe everyone does. Everyone is uniquely talented, you just need to find and recognize it. If you work hard, no body can take it away. You put in 100% and the God will give you 500% in return, more than you thought you deserved.